Hiya, hope you’re doing well.
Today, I’m starting a series I’m calling Fake Christians. Unfortunately, there are plenty of examples to choose from, and they all make me so upset, I know I’ll have things to say about most of them.
This particular story is (at least when I read it) presented by WorldTruth.TV. Good site, btw, if you’re looking for stories not published in the mainstream media, or smaller stories. Like this one.
Basically, a woman wrote into a column in the Denver Post called Ask Amy. Here’s a cut-out of it, so you can read the woman’s side, and Amy’s advice/response:
Just, wow. How can people act like that?? I don’t get it. How can you call yourself a Christian, then treat your family like crap, and blame THEM for it? How do people get to the mental place where they stop seeing that they are causing the problems? Even when this excluded sister is crying, trying to talk through it, coming to her unsympathetic sister for support, it’s still somehow her fault for being different. Black sheep say what?
Obviously, she wants to connect with her sister and cousins and whomever else they deem good enough to join them on their shopping vacations. If it’s putting her in tears, her exclusion isn’t a personal choice – it’s being made for her, and then the blame being put on her.
A saying we have around our house, is “smacking someone with a fish” when they are acting wrong. A dead fish, if it’s particularly ugly behavior. I really want to smack this woman with a fish…
As Christians, we are meant to act in love. When someone is perpetually hurting you, and they refuse to listen, and blame you for the pain they are causing, that’s abuse. Plain and simple. An abusive person hurts you, while sitting on their high horse, arrogantly saying “you earned it” or somehow saying their ugly behavior is your fault. Unfortunately, this point-of-view can always be seen by either party, because typically, each person believes they are correct. Even an abusive person will perceive themselves as the victim, because they feel justified in their behavior.
Well, that’s where being a Christian comes in – compare yourself to Christ. Are you acting in a way He would smile at, or would you be ashamed to admit your words, thoughts and actions to Him? Would He approve and stand behind your behavior? Would He treat people the way you are? Did He?
Whether you like it or not, if the answer is no, then you are the one in the wrong, and the one causing the abuse. Most of the time though, that will never be recognized, because abusive people also tend to be manipulative and controlling, and don’t listen. There will always be a justification for their abuse, even if they know God/Jesus would not approve.
That’s what gets me – even when they know they’re wrong, and they judge others for acting the exact same way, they are always justified. It’s infuriating.
Here’s the thing – ugly people never want to see their own ugliness. Ever. It will always be someone else’s fault. No matter how much you say “you’re hurting me” or “I don’t understand why you’re doing this” it doesn’t matter. They are corrupted, and will not listen until God intervenes. The only thing you can do with people like the “Sad Sister” in this situation, is walk away, and let God deal with them.
We’ve done this many times with our families and friends, because that was the only way out of the abuse. Our pleading and requests for respect and fair treatment fell on deaf, arrogant ears, and in the end, we just got hurt. The only thing to do with that type of abuse, is walk away. The more you talk, the less they listen. You simply deepen the seeds of resentment and justification with each word, and make it worse.
Stop looking for love where you’ll only find judgement and pain. If you’ll never be good enough, then walk away. It’s done. That’s my advice to the sister being excluded – walk away. Ironically, take the “sad” sister’s advice, and find better people to be around, because she has already chosen her position, and nothing and no one will change her mind, except God. So, let her go, and let God.
For me, that’s what I choose to do. I do not allow people to abuse me. I’ve had enough of it in my life, and I don’t take it any more. If someone treats me badly and doesn’t want to work on it, I walk away. I will own up to my mistakes, but I don’t take the blame for someone else acting ugly. Every relationship is a two way street – I can’t do it all on my own. If they refuse to listen, and believe themselves superior to me for any reason, I will not have them in my life. I’m not superior, and neither are you. We are all worthy of Hell, and (I pray…) hoping for Heaven.
I don’t see why people feel ok acting like this horrible woman, and I feel very sad for her sister. Being the black sheep and not fitting in is difficult enough – you’re always aware you’re different. Being actively excluded though, that hurts. And by blood family? That pain never fully heals. Judging and punishing anyone for being different isn’t ok. Especially family.
I hope everyone who reads this story, whether it be from this post or someone else’s, learns a valuable lesson – punishing others for being different and then blaming them for making you uncomfortable, is wrong. If you’re going to act ugly, at least have the guts to own up to it. Otherwise, get off your high horse, and knock it off. Your actions are your own – so own them, or change. Be someone you’d want to be friends with – someone God will be proud of.
If you’re the black sheep, and people want to exclude you, then here’s a secret: you’re better off without them!! They will never make you happy, and you’ll only feel like the black sheep in their company. God has people and a place for you, and a lot of times, that is not with the family you’re born into. Give it up to Him, and let Him lead you to where He meant for you to be. We all have somewhere we fit in, we just have to find it. Don’t settle for abuse – choose love, even if that means you’re alone for a while. Own your life, own your differences, and don’t let anyone make you feel like crap for being different. You are who God made you to be. If they can’t see your sparkle, then get out from under their dark cloud. Only then, will you shine.
Own it – it’s worth it 🙂
So, are you treating anyone badly? Are you being treated badly by someone else? Have you had to leave people behind, because they acted like the “Sad Sister” in the column above? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below, or just say hi! 🙂
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