Hiya peeps. Since I’m revamping this blog, I’ve decided to add some deeper content to it. I’ve spent so long hiding myself for fear of being judged, ridiculed, laughed at, or worst of all, not believed. Especially when it comes to my health and my personal life. What I’ve found though, is I’m still judged, even being super guarded. Hiding doesn’t fix anything, because people are people, and those who will judge, will find anything to pick at, so what’s the point? It gets really lonely in the end.

In a desire to deal with my loneliness and feeling disconnected from the world, I joined several groups on Facebook, associated with personal things I was dealing with. I made sure they were closed groups, so my friends and family couldn’t see that I was a part of them. I even did a Google search to make sure groups set as “closed” were indeed hidden from information my connections could view. Did I mention I’m pretty closed off?

Joining the various groups was my first step in feeling like a person again. Actively joining a community, albeit online, and committing to at least attempting to be active and engage socially with others. That, for me, is intensely difficult.

What I found though, was a sense of community I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve made friends, “met” other women who understand me, and don’t judge me. It’s a safe zone, for sure, but it became addicting, and fun, to be social and feel that fear dissolving every time I had a positive encounter. There were a few negative ones, but I didn’t let them stop me, and for me, that is major growth. A year ago, a negative reaction to an encounter, even online, would put me off for a week, and make me avoid any human contact outside my home for quite a while. Social phobias suck.

Those phobias, however, are a different story. Today, in this post, I’m going to open up about something I think may end up benefiting others, hopefully.¬†Endometriosis.

I sincerely hope you’ve heard or read that word at some point in the last few weeks. March is Endometriosis Awareness Month, and it’s been insanely successful this year, from what I can tell.

In case you’ve been sheltered somehow from the awareness raising campaigns, or simply haven’t looked more into what that big mind-numbing word means, let me run through it really quickly, with a cliff-notes explanation. Sciency types, don’t jump on me if it’s not technical or perfect – I’m writing it as if I’m explaining it to my little brother, who has no clue about any of this stuff, and has a difficult time paying attention. If he can get it, hopefully anyone can. ūüėČ

Anatomy warning – put your science/mature brain on here, so you can understand, because more than likely, you know a woman with this condition, and she would want you to understand what she’s going through. Trust me.

The cycle of a woman’s period is all about the uterus shedding it’s interior lining every month (or around 28 days for a healthy cycle), if there isn’t a pregnancy. Gross, but that’s what happens, what can you do. The bleeding week-ish portion is the actual get-rid-of-it lining, and a fresh lining takes it’s place, freshly prepped for the possibility of a pregnancy.

What does that have to do with endometriosis (endo, for short)? The tissue that lines the inside of the uterus, and bleeds every month, is specific tissue. It cycles through layers based on hormonal cues, basically estrogen. For a woman with endo, that tissue grows outside the uterus, and works exactly the same. Namely, it bleeds every cycle, typically into the pelvic area. Outside the organ it was meant to be contained inside.

Obviously, that results in basically internal bleeding every period, with no where for the blood to escape. The trapped blood then causes damage as it sits and festers, causing pain that you would imagine would go with internal bleeding, and over time, causes scaring. That scar tissue can attach to any muscle, organ, ligament, or nerve around, and can cause massive damage.

It’s also a progressive condition, meaning it gets worse with time. The only way to get rid of it, is to cut the bleeding lesions out, cutting deep enough to get the roots, and even then, it can and most often times does grow back. Even removing the ovaries/uterus doesn’t stop it, because¬†it grows it’s own estrogen! Basically, it’s a bad ass pissed off kind of cell structure that we can’t actually stop, and at best, only hack up the woman suffering from it, and hope it’s a while before the lesions grow back. It’s a war, and currently, one we are losing.

When a woman says she has endometriosis, she isn’t just complaining about bad periods. Healthy periods are uncomfortable, yes, but they shouldn’t put you in the hospital. Many women with endometriosis end up in the hospital from their pain, on a regular basis. It causes uncontrollable vomiting, searing pain, full-body muscle aches and shaking – basically, what you would expect to accompany internal bleeding. It hurts, it’s not healthy, and it’s damaging.

There are 4 stages of this condition, 1-4. Stage 1, as you may have guessed, is the “best” case scenario. Generally, women with stage 1 can cope okay, still get pregnant fairly easily, and can stay out of the hospital. Stage 2 is a bit worse, but from what I’ve seen, fairly manageable for the most part. Stage 3 gets quite a bit worse, and it’s pretty bad, with infertility issues, hospital visits, and massive pain. Stage 4 is living hell, for most, with terrible infertility, massive pain that even morphine can’t stop, and by this point, typically travels to other organs, putting them in risk of being damaged and needing to be removed. Try having a bleeding lesion on your bladder – it’s like the never ending uti from hell that will never, ever heal, without massive surgery, and will most likely come back.

Women can get these lesions any where in the body, on any organ, including the brain, eyeballs, lymph-nodes, etc. It attacks the body from the inside out, and once it spreads that far, the best any doctor can do is attempt to clean up the damage without making it worse. It is living hell.

If a woman tells you her period is so bad she blacks out, can’t walk, can’t move, don’t dismiss it. She’s not okay, and there is something wrong. A healthy period is uncomfortable, and cramping can hurt, but if one pain pill doesn’t fix it, then something is not right. Catching it early can save a woman from a lifetime of damaged organs, pain, and internal havoc physically, mentally, and emotionally. Since it’s dismissed so often, a lot of women end up committing suicide because of it – being in that level of pain for so long does bad things to the mind, and being dismissed or told she’s “weak” may just kill her spirit, and eventually, the woman herself.

Personally, I have stage 4 endometriosis. I also have pcos, so I don’t just get monthly periods, I typically get them bi-weekly, if not back to back. The mix would mean that sometimes, I would go months without relief, pain bad enough to make me pass out, lose sleep for days, and cry until I physically couldn’t cry any longer. I was dismissed, told I was weak or seeking attention, and wanted to die. I tried to commit suicide twice because of the pain.

Endometriosis isn’t a joke. It’s not an excuse. It’s not convenient. A woman with internally bleeding lesions isn’t a person trying to get attention. Passing out from pain isn’t a joke. If you saw someone in so much pain they passed out – broke a bone, for example – would you dismiss them and tell them to toughen up? No, unless you’re a psychopath. Endometriosis is no different. I have yet to meet a woman with it who is glad to have it, or would wish it on their worst enemy. It can be crippling, and often times, is.

I want to repeat my main point – you probably know a woman with endo. Why? Because¬†1 in 10 women have endometriosis!!¬†Think of 10 women you know – your mom, sister, cousin, aunt, grandmother, girl friend, friend, nerdy chick you cheated off in math, or the barista at the local coffee shop. Chances are, one of them is living with endo, and you probably didn’t even know it. She could be bleeding internally right this second, slapping a smile on her face so you don’t have to know about it.

Last points – endo isn’t contagious, you can’t contract it (not a disease), it’s been found in miscarried fetuses (aka, a baby is literally born with it), there is no cure, a hysterectomy and birth control won’t stop it, there is no stopping it, children can have it even before they start their period at all, it can effect men in rare cases, and it’s not a joke.

If this post does anything, I hope it helps you become more aware. If this was taken more seriously, and the women suffering had support, maybe we could find a cure. More and more studies are being done because more and more women are saying “enough is enough” and demanding help. We aren’t demanding attention for ourselves, simply this awful condition that shouldn’t even exist.

The women in your life suffering with endo deserve to live without crippling pain. Women of the future deserve to live without crippling pain. With any luck, years from now, “endometriosis” will be an obscure term in a medical collection of conditions that have been cured and erased from our species.

I’m not looking for sympathy, attention, or a pat on the back. I’m sharing my story because I’ve decided to stand up, and say please, don’t dismiss this. I don’t want anyone to have to suffer with internal bleeding, chronic pain, infertility, and constant ER visits, all while having others roll their eyes and be disrespectful. It’s not fair. It’s not right. Human suffering isn’t something to roll your eyes at, regardless of who is suffering, or whether it has to do with a period or not. Let’s do something to change this. If nothing else, listen to the women in your life who say they have it, and are suffering. Just give them a hug, is that so hard? I’m sure you’d want one, if you started bleeding internally, that’s for sure.

Thanks for reading – hopefully the ripples are good ones.



Position of Acne on Your Face Shows Areas of Physical Ailment

Hiya! ¬†Hope you’re all doing well.

Recently, I came across a pretty cool article, about an alternative way to diagnose different medical ailments you may have. ¬†I’ve always been into alternative methods of treatment – I mean, our ancestors didn’t have Advil or NyQuil to take for aches and pains, right? ¬†Generally, those sorts of things aren’t fixes anyway – most pills aren’t, they just cover up symptoms, and cause more problems themselves.

Anyway, I found this article really interesting, and thought I’d share it with you guys! ¬†I found this via an article on worldtruth.tv, who cite cuisineandhealth for their content. ¬†So basically, I’m just passing on what others have come up with ūüôā

On the worldtruth article, Eddie said:

“There are many alternative methods of diagnosing problems that occur in our body and they are a great and safe way of monitoring our health, whose credibility can easily check.

One of these comes from the Russian Healer, and it is about diagnosis with using the location of acne on your face. Look in the mirror, and see where your acne currently and study the picture above is and try to analyze whether there is in this part of the body a problem. Below are points with the explanation.”

Check out the image, and relating areas of possible concern below.

 Acne Map

1. Rectum

2. Sigmoid colon

3. Liver

4. Hoses

5. Descending part of the colon

6. Left adrenal gland

7. Pelvic left kidney

8. The upper part of the left kidney

9. Left lobe of the liver

10. The gallbladder (corpus vesicae felleae)

11. Left part of the cross-colon

12. Pancreas

13. Bile and hepatic ducts

14. Left kidney

15. Heart pathology

16. Urethra of left kidney

17. Left lobe of the liver

18. Left milk (lactiferous) gland

19. Left lung

20. Cardiac disorders

21. Bronchi in left lung

22. Diaphragm, rib layer

23. Lesser curvature

24. Duodenum

25. Left adrenal gland

26. Left inguinal crease

27. Left ovary in women, the left testicle for men

28. Left milk (lactiferous) gland

29. Sacroiliac joint

30. Left kidney

31. Big curvature of the stomach

32. Left pendant uterus with the ovaries, the left lobe of the prostate in the testis

33. Bladder

34. Pelvic left kidney

35. Pancreas

36. Left lobe of the thyroid

37. Left urethra

38.Pyloric part of the stomach

39. Uterus, lobes of the prostate, perineum

40. Right milk (lactiferous) gland

41. Pyloric part of the stomach

42. Right urethra

43. Gall bladder

44. The right lobe of thyroid

45. The pelvis of the kidney

46. Right pendant uterus with the ovaries, the right lobe of the prostate in the testis

47. A small curvature of the stomach

48. Right kidney

49. Right ovary of women, the right testicle of men

50. Iliac lymph system

51. Right adrenal gland

52. Hose

53. Big curvature of the stomach

54. Hormonal system

55. Signs of scleroderma

56. Hose

57. Saber cartilage

58. A small curvature of the stomach

59. Big curvature of the stomach

60. Right urethra

61. Bronchi in right lung

62. Right milk (lactiferous) gland

63. The right lobe of the liver

64. Right urethra

65. The right lung

66. Right kidney

67. Signs of stagnation in the kidneys, kidney stones, kidney sand

68. The right part of the cross-colon

69. Infection of the kidney

70. Right kidney

71. The body of the gallbladder with excretory ducts

72. The right lobe of the liver

73. The pelvis of the kidney

74. Right adrenal gland

75. A growing part of the colon (the ileocecal angle)

76. The transverse colon

77. Appendix

78. Stomach

79. Bladder

80. Genitals

Personally, I find this interesting, and possibly believable. ¬†Areas where I have constant acne do show, according to the chart, areas where I have known chronic issues. ¬†They do correlate and match up several times, so who knows – maybe it’s something to pay attention to!

What do you guys think of this? ¬†Do you believe in things like this? ¬†Let me know in the comments below ūüôā

Thanks for visiting, and please share my article! ūüėÄ

signature xoxo ciao rose


My Makeup Walls

Hey guys, how are you today? ¬†Hopefully doing well ūüôā

Today, I’m feeling inspired to write about makeup.

Most people would probably be surprised to know this about me, but I love makeup. ¬†A lot. ¬†I actually adore makeup. ¬†When I was a teenager, I used to play with makeup all the time. ¬†My mom got me into it when I was 12, and I’ve basically been wearing it ever since.

I don’t wear much now – I’m opting for a natural face as much as possible, while my hormones balance out, and my skin is more sensitive. ¬†Most days, I go makeup-free. ¬†If I have some blemishes or scars that are making me a bit insecure one day, I’ll put on concealer where needed. ¬†If I’m going out somewhere and want to look nicer, I’ll use eye makeup. ¬†The amount depends on the level of “nice” I want to look, which usually relates to the level of “nice” the place I’m going is.

I miss the days though, where I’d wear more makeup. ¬†My eyes would be fully done, and I’d get compliments every day. ¬†I’d wear powder and blush, lip stuff constantly, and always have my eyes popping and shining brightly.

Since getting married though, I don’t like to as much. ¬†Lip stuff just makes it weird when I kiss Ken. ¬†He ends up getting it all over his lips, and while he doesn’t mind and usually just laughs while wiping it off, it makes me feel self-conscious, and a little guilty. ¬†Same with powders – they come off on clothes. ¬†I hate giving him a hug, and seeing a smudge of makeup left on his shirt. ¬†Again, he doesn’t even notice, or mind when I point it out, but it makes me feel bad.

So, I stick with concealers, and lip/eye stuff if we’re going out. ¬†He’s not much of a kiss-in-public type guy, so I can wear lip stuff then.

I often browse around the internet, looking for post topics and inspiration, research for my books, etc. ¬†In my browsing, I often come across makeup articles and tutorials. ¬†You know the ones – where this girl (usually one you wish you looked like, cuz damn those cheek bones are incredible!) shows how she flawlessly puts on makeup like it’s no big deal, says it’s “easy” and “anyone can do it.”

I’m always left feeling a mix of two things:

1) Inspired to try it; maybe it’s not that hard; I could/should try it.

2) She’s already gorgeous without the makeup – there’s no way I’ll end up looking that good; what if it only works on faces made for people to look at; I’m not that good with makeup; I don’t have the money to buy makeup to play around with all the time; what would my guys think, especially if I messed it up, or worse, think I look good when I really look hideous.

The latter arguments always win out, and I’m left feeling depressed, having buried my fragile, budding self-confidence with a heaping dose of self-deprecation. ¬†Not healthy, but still the reality.

 I'm Nothing

I miss makeup. ¬†I miss being confident enough to try it. ¬†I hate the realization that I’m less confident now than I was in High School. ¬†I want to be more confident now, dammit. ¬†Why shouldn’t I be? ¬†God had blessed me with an amazing husband, food in our bellies and a roof over our heads, goofy dogs and even goofier friends.

Why does makeup break me? ¬†Why is it, that when I put that eye-liner pencil up to my lids, my hand starts trembling, and I imagine such horrible things happening? ¬†Things like failing. ¬†Like realizing I’m someone who should wear a bag over her head, so she doesn’t inflict her hideous face on the people around her. ¬†Like people thinking badly of her, for one reason or another.

 Ariel shame sad

Which leads into, why should I care what other people think? ¬†Why would anyone’s negative opinion be enough to stop me from doing what makes me happy? ¬†Especially when that something is simply wearing a bit of makeup. ¬†Not even drag-queen status makeup – just more than the minimal amount I settle for now.

 Too much makeup little girl

Why should I settle? ¬†I’m the only one making myself settle. ¬†The fact is, I don’t ever get negativity when I wear makeup. ¬†I get attention. ¬†A lot of attention. ¬†And since I’m afraid of attention, that’s a bad thing in my mind.

It shouldn’t be. ¬†I should wear makeup if I want to. ¬†I should have fun, experiment, and let myself be brave. ¬†Kind of silly, really – feeling brave for wearing makeup.

 This is Serious Business

Still, in my timid little mind, that’s the equivalent to knocking down a few brick walls on my own. ¬†I erected them – I have to knock them down. ¬†I’m the only one stopping myself.

I just wish I wasn’t so harsh and hard on myself.

I don’t have to look like the beautiful girls on YouTube – the fact is, I never will. ¬†They were blessed with beauty, and I wasn’t. ¬†That doesn’t mean I can’t have fun and play, right? ¬†I can be happy too, right? ¬†I hope so. ¬†Because I’m going to start playing with makeup again, and it will either be really really good, or really really bad. ¬†We’ll see.

 Nervous Chewing Gum

Do you ever struggle with this type of issue?  What do you think about makeup?