Why = Death of Creation

Why?  Such a simple question.  Three little words, seemingly harmless.

In reality, that little word has the potential to unravel a person completely.  Why?

A killer, masquerading as innocent curiosity.

People are naturally creative.  We are also naturally curious.  The irony is, curiosity can kill creativity.

When you ask “Why?” the search for the answer switches you into a new mindset.  Out of creativity and imagination, you switch to logic.  Even when you’re being creative, and asking “Why” with imagination, you’re automatically introducing logic into the idea/situation/area.

Answering “Why” means you need to know the path.  You’re searching for the way something happened, the way it works.  It adds in “How” almost automatically.  The two work simultaneously most of the time, overpowering anything floating in the creative realms.  They pull an idea from the clouds, anchoring it firmly to reality, caging the once free bird.

In our life, when something happens, we almost always react with “why” or “how” adding in the other easily.  We are taught to look at the “who” “what” “when” “where” and “why” in school, and most still apply it to life.

The problem with this is, logic kills.  When things make sense all the time, there is no room for spontaneity or creativity.  Life is creativity.  It is organized chaos.  When you have too much logic, life becomes simply order.  Dull.  Lifeless.  Stressful.  Dying.  Suffocating.

When you apply that to God, you see the clear reason many people fall, fail, and walk away.  They ask “why” far too often.  We search for knowledge now, no matter what.  We look for answers, for the reasons, for the logic.  We kill ourselves searching for “truth” when the only truth that means anything, is the fact the “why” rarely ever matters.  What is, is.  God.  He is, always has been, and always will be.  He knows the why, so why isn’t that good enough?

Why can’t I simply enjoy something He’s given me?  Why must I search for answers constantly?  Why must I pick it apart, suffocating it with the obsessive need for knowledge and desire for the answer to “why” in my own head.

Cuz that’s really it – my head needs to know why, even when my heart already knows it is.  It just is.  That’s it.

I appease my own head, by suffocating my heart; drowning it in logic and a growling need for knowledge and answers.

When I stop asking “why” my spirit soars.  My mind is able to be creative once again, released from the cage of logic.  I can fly.

Why has it’s place.  On the shelf, where it needs to stay.  Only used when absolutely necessary.  A dangerous tool, best left alone.  A necessary evil.

God is creative.  His logic is the only one that matters, and I don’t need to understand it, simply trust it.  I follow Him as a child follows his father.  He is my father, and I shouldn’t question Him so much, simply trust Him.

I knew this once.  I simply did what my heart told me, without constantly asking why.  If someone else asked me why, I’d simply shrug, and say “because I felt like I should” or something equally simple.  Life was simple.  Happy.  An endless expanse of creativity and joy.  I simply lived my life, grateful to have it, enjoying every second I spent marveling at God and His creation.  Because really, He is a creator.  Creative.

Seeking “knowledge” is folly, because I’ll never truly understand God.  He is unfathomable.  His knowledge is what actually matters, and my “logic” and “understanding” is as silly as holding a candle to the sun.  It may make me feel a little better in the moment, but it’s fleeting, small, and in the grand scheme of things, meaningless.  He is constant, unmovable, and magnificent.  Why bother working His creation out in my head?  He created us to enjoy life, not pick it apart and kill it with “why” and logic.

I don’t need to know the why.  Just what is.  Him.  That’s all that matters.

I’m putting a smile on my face, my questions in the trash, shelving the “why” and following my malnourished heart.  It’s time I take my life back from the greedy seed of Why.

Ready to move on, enjoy Him, and simply live.

Random Thoughts on Life & Growing Up

So, recently I have been talking to a few of my friends.  We’re all coming up on that age where a lot of people are having stuff start to happen in their lives.  One is getting promoted, another is graduating, another is pregnant, and another is moving to a new city.

I’m so happy for all their success, but part of me can’t help but feel…inadequate.  I kind of end up feeling like Rachel in Friends, when her old friends come to visit and they’re all like “I’m getting partner at my dad’s firm!” and “I lost a sh*t ton of weight and look fabulous!” and “I’m having another baby and my husband is loaded!”  All while Rachel is like “I serve coffee, and live in the city…whoot?”

Kind of a buzz-kill.

That’s how I felt the past few days.  Again, don’t get me wrong – I couldn’t be happier for my friends.  They’ve worked hard, and they deserve their prizes and good things, for sure.

What do I do with that feeling though?  I just feel like yay for you, and guess what!?  I…I…I’m getting a new phone.

Yay me…

Normally, this feeling would prompt me to re-evaluate my choices.  My life.  Where it’s headed.  Change some stuff up so my luck improves and I keep moving forward.

Here’s the issue with that though – I’ve given my life to God, and He’s said “stay still and wait.”

Ken and I feel like big things are coming, but we have to wait.  And wait.  And once we’re done waiting, we’ll have to wait some more.  We’re feeling like our life is passing us by, but we are trying to be positive, and not think negatively.  Sometimes though, we feel like:

We’ve both been late bloomers in life, and apparently that’s not over.  I think we’re in the “we’re waiting some more” phase, so hopefully it’ll be soon, where God lets us go to town.

See, at the moment, we are in training.  We joke that it’s God’s boot camp or Basic.  We’re honing skills, going through a ton of tests, trials, and challenges.  By waiting and trusting Him, we’re strengthening our relationship with Him.  I know in the future, we’ll be so glad we went through all this, and stuck it out.  We’re living a life that’s unconventional, and getting more odd all the time.

We have the urge to control it ourselves – to make it happen in our time, instead of waiting for God’s plan to lay itself out and happen when it’s supposed to.  That’s what a lot of people do – take the wheel from God, and control it themselves.

Well, we’ve aspired to not do that, and this is part of that difficulty.  Waiting.  Waiting while others succeed faster.  He’s building our patience, and waiting for us to build our Faith a bit more, and strengthen it as much as possible.

It totally feels like those dogs who have the treat on their nose, and have to wait.  And wait.  And drool, while waiting some more.  It’ll be worth it, and I know He’ll be proud of our Faith and commitment to honoring and obeying Him.

But it’s hard.

And I want the cookie.

I’m tired, and I want…something.

But I’ll keep waiting.  I’ll keep having Faith.  I’ll keep trusting.  And I’ll be happy that I’m following God, and He’s leading us down such a unique path.  It’ll be worth it in the end, I know.  He’s said so! 🙂

Grandmother Willow is always right.  And hey, if that damn dog can do it, then so can I! 😀