So, I’m sick again, right? Yeah. Both my guys are working tonight, and I’m in bed. Stuck between “too awake to sleep” and “feeling too crappy to walk” and/or “brain is mush, can’t think enough to work” keeping me in a state of blah. The computer and I have spent a bit of time together today, wasting away the hours.
As I scroll through Facebook, bored and hoping for something to cheer my germ-filled body up, I come across this video:
Now, my first impression is to be impressed, obviously – wow! They rock! I’m overwhelmed by the smiles on their faces, and how much fun they’re having dancing together.
I start to think about how nice it would be to dance again; how much I miss it. I remember how much energy I used to have, and how easy it was for me to do things like that. To dance. Move quickly and enthusiastically, using tons of energy and spreading joy.
I wonder if I’ll ever get there again. I think about the soft layer of skin now resting over my relaxed, sick muscles. Even when I’m healthy, I’m no where near the shape I used to be in. I give in for a moment, to the self-loathing part of me, silently cursing my body and the things I dislike about it.
Then I merge into longing – the deep seeded desire to be able to use my body like that again. To be fit; healthy; feeling good.
I think “Maybe it’s just that times have changed.” Bah! Times haven’t changed. I’ve changed. Or rather, my abilities have changed.
I hope I’ll get my body back soon. I hope I’ll be able to move like that some day – smile like that some day.
I hope I’m not a coward. Plenty of people have it worse than me, and somehow find the strength to do all sorts of great things. Why can’t I? What’s my excuse? Why does my pain stop me, when my desire is so strong, and so deep, it brings me to tears.
My healing requires patience. I’ve never been very good at patience. We’ve had a very tense relationship over the years. I’m looking forward to the day when I’m back in control, and not forced to submit to patience and waiting.
Til then, I’ll watch videos of people doing extraordinary things, pulled between awe and envy.
So, if you haven’t noticed – I like Buzzfeed. A lot. One of the things I like the most, are the videos.
Well, I stumbled across this one in an amazing article the other day, and I just had to share it.
Growing up, Hilary Duff was one of my inspirations. She was for tons of girls my age, and with good reason! She was sassy, confident, kind, generous, and a true good girl. She was clumsy, but laughed about it. She was dorky, but owned it. She gave girls like me the licence to be themselves – flaws and all.
To this day, I can’t think of a better role model for young girls and young women than her. If I ever had a daughter, I would encourage her to look up to the icon.
Hilary, in all her awesomeness, took several years off from showbiz, to make and spend time with her family. She got married, had a little boy, and sadly ended up separating from her husband (which breaks my heart).
She’s put out a new album since then, but this single came out as well, and it’s amazing.
I had no idea she hung out with Ed Sheeran – seriously, who doesn’t he hang out with?? He’s friends with like, everyone, and I’m not really surprised, cuz he seems awesome too.
Anyway, apparently he wrote this song for her, and she then made a video of herself singing it on her front porch – how amazing is that?!? 😀
To honor one of my long-held role-models, I’m sharing her video today. So much love goes out to her, and while my heart breaks for her, I can’t help but love her even more.
So, what do you think of this video? Does it sound like something Ed Sheeran wrote? Do you like Hilary too? Don’t worry, I won’t get offended if you didn’t like it, or don’t like her – not everyone does.
I’m curious to hear what you think though, so let me know in the comments below!
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These are all terms that tend to circle around in my head when I see magazines, or watch movies, or read articles in mainstream-media.
When I go to the mirror after having these words circling my head, I only see bad. My “flaws” stand out and scream at me. Voices whisper how I must be disappointing to my husband, because I’m obviously not good enough. How I must secretly be the “ugly” friend of my various circles, and I don’t know it.
The past few years, God has been working with me on a daily basis, to change the way I think. To re-wire my brain, and re-focus my spirit.
This video really hit home with me – I Am Not “That” Girl. It’s not exactly how I feel, point for point, but it’s close enough to stir emotions.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way – obviously, people are talking about it more and more. So, for any other person out there who feels like they’re not the idealistic “perfect” person/image/model, I hear ya. This may help.
What do you think of this video? Does it inspire any emotions, good or bad? Please let me know in the comments below.
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Thank you for stopping by!